Mar 21, 2011

Traffic Alert - You're Driving Me Crazy!

It's time to get back into my New Jersey Turnpike psychoanalysis theory which suggests I can lay out someone's  personality based solely on their driving habits. By the way, I use the Turnpike moniker simply because it's where I've spent a number of years developing my theory. Actually, if I spent the equivalent of 10 years on the Turnpike then I've biologically aged 20 years during those 10.  Trust me, it's a key mathematical component of the theory. Just like Einstein's e=mc2, except Albert let the cat out of the bag and lost all the royalty rights.  I'm hangin' on to this baby.  Let's just say it incorporates many more factors, such as:  the number of miles in your commute, anticipated levels of precipitation, a driver's height, weight and ethnicity, daily disposition of the toll collectors and so on....trust me it's very complicated.

Mar 6, 2011

When Are We Going To Honor Charlie Sheen?

With this post I will begin from the end. The end of my last post that is.  Not the 'end' part where I talk about my proctologist, but the part when I promised I would list some of the notables who've received honorary degrees over the years.  Charlie Sheen isn't one of them but I would think he's next in line if past history is any indication. I'm not trying to call anybody out here or suggest that these people haven't contributed to society in some meaningful way.  I just think it's dangerous when we revere people to the extent that we're willing to create some transparent, irrelevant, unjustified association with them. Which is exactly what these colleges do by heaving degrees upon these celebrities, such as: