Drivel - You Can't Make This Up

You see what happens when you get distracted and you take your eyes off the road, in this case the blog....someone can get hurt. Like me! With my last post (Traffic Alert - You're Driving Me Crazy) I strayed from a slow introduction of my driving habits psychological theory and jumped right into scientific theories and treatments. I almost popped a blood vessel in my eye from the nervous twitching I got recalling the rainy commute that prompted that rant. No pun intended but I need to get back on track.

Once again, the fundamental basis for my theory is that you can pretty much build a person's entire personality profile simply by watching, or being subjected to, their driving habits - even for just a few moments. I've aptly named this theory Drivelogics (dri-va-la-gix). That can be a little long on the tongue so I'll just call it Drivel for short - it's easier. And don't bother fishing around for the origins of Drivel because it's all here - all the useless Drivel you'd care to read is right in these pages. And that's simply because I created it. The driving theory I mean, I made it up.

Well, 'made it up' is probably the wrong choice of words. When you say you just made something up it sounds like a sudden fabrication, like some story you just concocted. What ends up happening is the phrase largely devalues whatever it is that you 'made up'. So scratch that, forget I ever said it.

Yeah right, forget I ever said it. That's like when a judge says 'the jury will disregard that remark and it will be stricken from the record.' We all know that lawyers make comments that they know the jury will never forget. Here's another way of putting it. Let's say you're girlfriend asks you the dreaded unanswerable question - 'Does my ass look fat in these jeans?' And let's just say that all logic escapes you momentarily and you decide that honesty is always the best policy so you say - 'Yes, your ass looks fat in those jeans! In fact, it looks like whatever you've consumed in the last 30 days has gone straight to your ass.' Check please! You can't take those words back. You can't just reel it back in and replace it with something else, like 'What I meant to say, light of my life, is that your ass looks really shapely in those jeans.' Too late pal, it's out there. She wouldn't forget your first response in a million years. In fact, it would probably be written on your tombstone after she killed you. And you know something, if there was a female judge or an all female jury at her murder trial, her fat ass would be found innocent. When it comes to being sensitive to that question, women will always have each other's backs, no matter how big that back is.

Anyway, the idea being that I didn't just come up with this Drivel out of thin air. It's a well thought out concept that I've been developing for years. So stick around, you may just learn something about yourself, from reading someone else's Drivel.